Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Today I posted on facebook that I'd really like to see a sticker of Calvin peeing on the cast of "The Big Bang Theory", and luckily a nice person named Obed Vetter made this for me...

It really got me thinking about other things I'd like to see Calvin pee on. Here is just a short list...

- A pickle.

- A swastika.

- A pickle with a swastika on it.

- Mad TV.

- Glenn Beck (but only a very small stream of pee, so it kinda looks like a single tear running down his cheek).

- The band "Metrostation".

- The band "Never Shout Never".

- A cup that Jesus is holding, but then in a second sticker you see that Jesus has turned the pee into wine.

- The entire Family Circus family.

- The world "reading".

I really like the idea that my friend Dane came up with too, where Calvin is peeing on a sticker of Calvin peeing on something that you actually like. It could get very confusing, but could also be a really cool way to show you like something. For example, Calvin could be peeing on a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Pittsburgh Penguins logo. I think that could be a lot like the movie "Inception". Taking it to a third level would be really unnecessary and awesome. For example, have Calvin peeing on a sticker of Calvin peeing on a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Ku Klux Klan member.

The Calvin peeing on something decal is an American classic.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I need to have a #1 album, pronto.

I don't ask for much. All I want is to have the #1 album in America. Is that asking too much? Hell no! I've played bass in this damn band for 13 years, and I think that asking for ONE DAMN WEEK at the top of the DAMN BILLBOARD CHARTS is not too much to ask! If we got to #1 on the charts just for one week, it would mean a whole lot of things. First of all, we'd get to spend every hour of our day WRITING SONGS and be able to put out TWO ALBUMS PER YEAR. We have the ability to write FOUR ALBUMS PER YEAR but that might be pushing it. But yeah, we could easily put out a couple albums per year, and isn't that what bands should be doing anyway? Why do all these damn bands that get all huge and have millions of dollars not put out more music? Why do they wait years between albums? I think that's a bunch of C#$%!!!! (crap)

I suppose that I've never cared too much about being the biggest band ever, I've just always wanted to be able to continue making music and hopefully reach more people with each album. But F#$% that!!! I think its time that everyone burns our albums for 20 of their friends and insists that if they listen to Punchline, they'll be instantly more HANDSOME and/or GORGEOUS! With that kind of word of mouth and false/possibly true promise, there is NOTHING STOPPING our album from being #1!

Okay, so our album debuted at #41 on the Billboard "Heatseekers" Chart, but I don't even know what the heck that means. i am very appreciative that many people bought it, don't get me wrong. But seriously, we need to sell 1 million of these so that we can put out more albums and, of course, I can get ON TV and possibly GET MY OWN DAMN TV SHOW.

You wanna help us keep being a DAMN BAND for another 13 years? Well we need to get this dang album to #1. Here are some things you could do to help if you feel like it, which I really hope you feel like it.

1) You can go on all your friends Facebook pages and post a link to our Purevolume page (www.purevolume.com/punchline) and insist that they go download "21 Forever" on there. Tell them that there are also a whole bunch of other songs they can listen to as well.

2) We need to get on the DANG RADIO, and the perfect place to start is in our hometown of Pittsburgh. That means that all of you should call and request "21 Forever" on our hometown rock radio station, The X. The number is 412 - 333 - WXDX. Just call and request it. 10 times a day. And tell everyone else to do it too! Maybe if enough people call, they will play a Pittsburgh band who has been around for a long time instead of ALICE IN CHAINS. Who is calling and requesting Alice In Chains?

3) We don't have millions of dollars like a lot of these "sexy" bands do, so we rely purely on WORD OF MOUTH to get the word out there about our dang band. Tell everyone you know, and play Delightfully Pleased for them! Burn them a copy of the CD, but insist that owning the actual album is way cooler. Tell them its also on iTunes and available in stores like The Exchange and Hot Topic. Also let them know that we're a real band.

4) Let ALTERNATIVE PRESS know that you like Delightfully Pleased! You can do that by going here: http://altpress.com/ap_readers_chart/ . Tell them that you're feeling us. Tell them that you like our songs and that you think I should be on TV.

5) Leave us some DANG REVIEWS on iTunes! Just go to Delightfully Pleased and leave a review. I like reading them. Everyone is so dang nice. It'll build my confidence to try to GET TO #1 ON AMERICA'S BILLBOARD CHARTS.

We'll have some new dang music videos pretty soon. Hopefully they'll play them on TV, like maybe on Fox right after The Cleveland Show, or maybe on halftime of Monday Night Football.

I hope you all like me. But in all seriousness, please help my band make ten more albums because I love playing bass on them.

I need to get on TV.

I just decided that I want to be on TV. I think that everyone should start a movement to get me on TV because I think I'll be the best guy who ever was on TV. I have so many ideas of cool things to do. Here are just a few of the things that I'll do when you guys get me on the TV.

1) On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, I will answer the first question correctly and just decide to take the money.

2) On Saturday Night Live, I will tape up the picture of the Pope that Sinead O'Connor ripped up. I will then proceed to rip up a picture of myself wearing a Pope-style hat and declare myself the NEW POPE.

3) On the MTV Music Awards, I will call out everyone on the fact that MTV doesn't play music videos, and therefore should not be giving out awards for music videos. I will then have a small tirade about how MTV needs to bring back my favorite VJ, Jesse Camp. And also Puck.

4) On Good Morning America, I will confront Juju Chang on how offensive her name is.

5) On WTAE News, I will deliver Erin Kienzle's child live on the air.

6) I'll smoke crack in the Cash Cab.

As you can see, its pretty important that I get on TV. See what you guys can do for me.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Delightfully Blogged, Part 1.

Sorry I haven't blogged in here in a long time, but I'm back.

My thoughts on Delightfully Pleased, in case anyone wants to read them.


In general, i don't like when bands have songs about being a band, because I think its a subject that most people can't relate to (unless they happen to be in a band). I think one per album is acceptable though, and why not make it first? I was extra excited about a) this song being on the album, and b) this song being the first song on the album, because I had contributed more to this song writing-wise than I had on any of the other songs. I had sent Steve a not-that-good demo of it that I did in GarageBand with an acoustic and 5 tracks of my own vocals, and I was psyched when he liked it a lot. Steve is the best songwriter that I know, and its always exciting when the best songwriter that you know encourages you to write songs, and then helps you make them better. What I had sent him was the first verse and chorus, and I always had a vision of the chorus turning out EXACTLY like it did on the recording. The first line of the song/album, "You won't find songs of hopelessness on this record" (which it seems every review we've gotten on the album so far has quoted) was inspired by an interview that I read with Bjork where she talks about how she only likes to write songs of hope, and she was ashamed that she had written a "sad" song (referring to "Possibly Maybe", which is actually one of my favorite songs of all-time). Once Steve shared my vision on the song after jamming on it at a few practices, adding Paul and Cory to it just brought it full circle. Steve added the bridge, which was something he had written for another song but worked perfectly in context with the song. We all contributed lyrically to the second verse. In fact, it was Cory who suggested that we mention "Laga", which is the Pittsburgh club (which no longer exists) where we had our first good shows. We also started the reoccurring "space" theme with the line "we shot for the moon and missed, so we discovered our own planet". The song has lots of "chicka chicka chicka chickas" in it, which I think adds a lot to the air drummingness of the song. I had fun splitting the second verse with Paul, although I was a little bit shy about it because I tend to cringe when I hear my own voice recorded. Jamie (Woolford, our producer, duh) added an effect on my voice so I wouldn't feel so self-conscious (plus it sounded cool). Paul sounded great singing his part. I was excited that we were all singing on the first song, and I thought that people who have listened to us for a long time might be reminded of a song like "Play". There is actually a small musical reference to "Play" in this song, and I hope that people notice it on the 75th time they listen to it. Actually, I'll just be happy if people do listen to it 75 times!

Many people have already asked us about the "I've seen friends become successful and then be a friend no more" line, and who it is in reference to. In all actuality, I kinda thought it would be a line that anyone could relate to, not just us. I also kinda think that if we were complaining about any person/band in specific, we'd sound like a bunch of whiny babies. The point of the song is that despite any setbacks and disappointments we may have faced, we're still making music and enjoying it more than ever. Plus, if someone was your friend and then forgot about you after some "success", they weren't really your friend in the first place, right?

The Reinventor

I have loved this song since Steve sent me an all-out demo he had done of it over a year ago. He played everything on it, including programming the Reason drums, and to tell you the truth, the demo actually sounds pretty damn great. I remember being on tour and running on a treadmill at a hotel in the morning while listening to Steve's demo (which at the time was called "Get Me Out Of The House") and noticing how much faster it made me run. It made me excited, and I really thought that the subject matter of the song was great. By the time we recorded the song for the album, we really had barely changed the structure or lyrics whatsoever...it was that good already (hope that doesn't come off as cocky, but I really like this song and Steve wrote it, not me). That's not to say that we didn't all do our best to make it as badass as possible when it came to our own individual parts though. Paul added some very subtle but very awesome (in my opinion) leads in the verse, which reminded us all of the band Bracket (which is a very good thing). Steve had written the bassline on the demo, and it is my favorite bassline to play on the entire album. I did my best to play it incredibly and really make him proud. And last but not least, there was Cory. He ABSOLUTELY TORE IT UP on this song. The beat he plays during the intro and a couple more times throughout the song is my favorite on the entire album. I loved watching him play it in the studio, and I love watching him play it now. I think he shines from top to bottom in this song. I also really love Paul's backup vocals in the second verse, which ends up being the part I sing when I sing along to the album (I'm not really allowed to listen to our own album anymore, but I was allowed to before it came out, and sometimes I sang along, and I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with that!) Plus, when we play it live I sing it with him and just double it. So yeah, i was just practicing, not singing along to my own band's CD.

I love the whole feeling of this song, and also the message. I hope that this song inspires people who are in a bad place to take a break, take some time to themselves, make some great plans, and be the best person they can be. Yeah, that would be awesome.

I'll write more later.